Why Self-Compassion?

 

This work is to support you moving through major life transitions and deep grief, so you access a bridge back into your own heart as you create your joyful and connected life.

 

I'm a Focusing Teacher and Grief Tending Facilitator. Translation: I’m skilled at cultivating a quality of presence that's welcoming to all parts of you, and nurtures the possibility of your new life steps emerging.

​

Does This Sound Like You?

​

You’ve moved beyond the conditioning of your childhood, and now you’re forging a new spiritual path for yourself and in your ancestral line.

 

You’re breaking generations of ancestral trauma and melting what feels like mountains of inherited ungrieved losses.

 

You’re always learning and growing. You’re actively investing in your development and healing. And you know that you can’t do it alone.

 

You're ready to make empowering moves in the direction of the life you want

...but something is getting in the way.

 

You want to be there for yourself

...but don’t quite know how to do that when things are hard.

 

You have a sense of your own untapped power and creative potential for your life

...but want to learn how to access it reliably.

 

You want to create more enriching relationships

...but it’s hard when you get triggered and caught in old, familiar patterns.

 

You have a sense that there’s a wealth of wisdom and inspiration within and you want to learn how to access it reliably.

 

You're seeking a way to complement your work in therapy or find an alternative, perhaps faster and more effective method for feeling better that actually gets to the root of your issue and doesn’t require telling your whole story if you don’t want to.

 

You know the "What" - you've read self-help books and maybe even worked with a therapist, and you know it's all about self-love and self-acceptance. But why are you still struggling? Why is that so hard to do? How do you accept yourself when you get triggered, when you find yourself in a shame spiral, when your inner critics are especially harsh?

 

You’re ready to finally truly heal your deepest wounds at the root level. You know it has to do with how your body is holding it all, but you need some guidance and support in navigating all that comes in your inner world.
 

Why are These Sessions Needed?

 

Many of the people who appreciate working with me are navigating rough psychological waters. They feel lost and confused as they're moving through massive life transitions. They’re in an ocean of grief, and wonder if they'll feel joyfully alive and connected again. In their grief, they sometimes (or oftentimes) feel numb and disconnected… as though there’s a layer between them and life.

 

And they long for more fulfilling and loving relationships, but they get triggered and stuck in old patterns. They’re working to move beyond relational cycles of fighting, shut down, and disconnection. They’re working to finally heal their deep emotional wounds so they're not held back in connecting with others.

 

Lastly, they long to express themselves more fully and authentically in their relationships and out in the world. They have latent creative potential that wants to be expressed, but cycles of procrastination and dissociation prevent very much from happening.
 

My Work Focuses on These Three Key Practices

 

1. Cultivating the aspect of yourself that’s capable of turning toward and welcoming everything in your awareness, including painful experiences and all the inner reactions and judgment that arise.
    

2. Offering yourself deep empathy for how hard something was and has been, or how precious and important something was and still is for you, and thus accepting all parts of yourself as they already are, so you can move forward in life.
    

3. Mourning your losses through sonic and vocal expression like crying, wailing, and thus awakening your body’s knowing of how and when to express itself beyond grief, like speaking your truth and singing your song.

 

My teacher Barbara McGavin says, “It’s not just what happens that matters, but what happens next.” When things have been hard—if there’s been trauma, tragedy, or loss—and we’re able to mourn the loss of life and wellbeing and offer ourselves deep empathy for how hard that was and is, then we create an inner environment where A New Whole can emerge for our lives. So no event is final. The cameras are still rolling as long as we’re living.

​

"No bad feeling is ever the last step." —Eugene Gendlin

​

 

What You Can Expect to Gain From Working with Me

 

I have a vision for you, of how things can and will change for your life in fresh new ways that you haven't yet imagined.
 

You will become better at sensing inside to know how you’re feeling and what’s needed, so you can relate to your experience, rather than reacting from it. In other words, you will learn to relate *to* your pain and fear, so you're no longer relating *from* your pain and fear. This is perhaps the single greatest power you can develop for improving your relationships with others.

 

You will learn to speak from your felt sense, so you express yourself freely and with ease in your relationships. Even more difficult relationships and “hard” conversations will be easier when you develop this skill.

 

You will feel more confident in your ability to navigate both the good and bad times in relationships. You will trust in yourself more to relate in alignment with values of respect, kindness, empathy, and understanding.

 

Within 6-12 sessions together, you may very likely experience an inner shift, which feels like fresh air, around a major life or relationship issue. When this happens, probably nothing has changed yet about your situation, things might still be "stuck"—but YOU have changed, which is the biggest contributing factor and common denominator in your life experience and of course, where you have the most influence.

 

When you’re ready, you’ll be supported to inquire inside to gain greater clarity about what you’re feeling and needing, to reconnect with what’s most precious to you, and remember how to live from that place.

 

A big part of what we do in our work together is waking up the aspect of yourself that cherishes your life and is willing to live, even when pain and difficulty are present. Keyword being willing.

 

How Do I Work with My Clients?

​

I offer packages of six sessions, ideally meeting weekly for six weeks. Sessions are 50 minutes total.

 

In a session, together you and I may do any of the following:

• Listen to you deeply

• Accept you as you already are

• Welcome grief when it arises

• Create space to express yourself authentically

• Be heard without anyone trying to make it better or different

• Create an inner atmosphere of calm, curious, acceptance

• Go to the edge where something fresh can come for you

• Connect with what's most important to you

• Name and feel your raw emotion

• Notice the story you're telling yourself

• Practice contacting your truth and bravely expressing it

• Uncover the hidden or unconscious dynamics at play in your relationships

• Get to the root of conflict and power struggles

• Learn how to become emotionally available to clean, freely flowing love

 

But perhaps most importantly, together we cultivate the aspect of yourself that’s capable of turning toward and keeping company with everything that arises within. We let ourselves be surprised by what comes. It’s all welcome in our process together.

​

What is 'Focusing'?

​

There is an overabundance of content online about “What” to do - Heal your trauma, be authentic, cultivate ‘conscious’ relationships. But what’s glaringly missing is the “How’.

 

Focusing is like the HTML code for the "How" - How to actually love and accept yourself when things are hard and when you're struggling with a particularly tough life issue. How to love yourself when you've been spinning your wheels in patterns that don't serve you. How to love yourself when you feel particularly hurt and wounded. How to love yourself when you're triggered AF.

 

Focusing has helped me not by "fixing" my issues as though I'm a broken toaster, but instead—by approaching my issues in a Focusing way,—they have resolved and evolved of their own accord, organically, in fresh and unexpected ways, from the inside out.

 

Through Focusing, the whole way I conceptualize myself has changed. I see myself now as a Living Being in Process and less as a static object. The same is true with my relationships. The way that I conceive of what a relationship is has changed entirely as I relate, listen, and express myself from my whole felt sense. And I'm more fulfilled, grateful, and in love than ever.

 

Here's a little tip: The way that you conceive of your issue is your issue. And the way out of your problem is by perceiving it in a new light. When you relate to your big issue in a new way, from your whole self and not just reactive parts of yourself, you're able to see the bigger processes the issue is part of and the environment it's in process with, and you're able to offer it the quality of presence, a kind of inner environment, that it needs to change on it's own.

 

You do not need to know anything about Focusing or how it works to experience it. However, if you want to learn, I recommend starting here. Education is correlated with improved outcomes in wellness, whether it’s cardiovascular health or psychotherapy, and of course Focusing!

 

What Do I Help You Avoid?

 

• Staying in thought loops and the same old patterns keeping you stuck

• Repeating what you already know

• Spending money on therapy that isn’t working

• Spiritually bypassing your grief

• Staying stuck in your grief

 

Is this Therapy?

 

This is not psychotherapy and is not a substitute for therapy. I am a certified Focusing teacher and practitioner through the International Focusing Institute. In other words, I am a non-licensed healing professional.

 

However, working with me can significantly supplement your work in therapy and increase your ‘client skills’ so you get more out of it. And it can be an alternative if you are not interested in mainstream psychotherapy.

 

This work is meant to cultivate your sense of self in the present moment, so you can get bigger than the problems in your life and support your capacity to keep company with your whole experience. It's grounded in the body so you enjoy lasting life change.

 

If you have a more serious psychiatric diagnosis or are actively suicidal, this work is not clinically suited to your situation, and should only be pursued if you are also under the care of a qualified therapist.

 

This work can be suited to people seasoned in deep inner work and for those who are new to self-work. You can be a complete beginner and I’ll meet you there.

 

This is not:

• Coaching

• Tapping

• Positive affirmations

• Advice, opinions, or fixing problems
   

Testimonials

 

"I'm able to move ahead and accomplish creative projects. With Focusing I'm able to nurse myself through critical inner dialog and have compassion for the parts of myself that want to protect me from feeling the shame of criticism from the outside."

—Monica Miller

"In my practice as a clinical psychologist I rarely encounter such a bright, intuitive, deeply empathic and effective guide as Kelli. Her exceptional skill using the Focusing technique in my own therapy opened vistas and doors that have long been closed to me. I recommend Kelli without reservation."

—Mark D, PhD

​​